Things Left Unsaid
by Evaryn
Summary: P/T Takes place during the episode where Tom gets replaced by Daenen. Tom gets turned back into Tom, but then what???? Re-edited thanks to the helpful reviews. Self Contained.


Tom's point of view. Takes place during the episode where Tom gets replaced by Daenen (the Dna stealing alien who takes his place). Tom gets turned back into Tom, but then what???? Something has to have happened between Tom in sickbay and the end holodeck scene. This is my attempt to resolve it for myself. Please forgive me for any horrid mistakes and creative inventions, I love the show, but I haven't seen all of them yet. Thanks for reading; this is a self-contained story. Please review!  
..........................  
  
Things Left Unsaid  
  
  
  
I stand on the bridge beside the turbo lift, I am not on duty, and I am not dressed in my uniform. I am waiting for the Captain who wishes to speak to me. She will acknowledge me in a moment; she is just finishing up her report. I don't mind. If she were the kind of person to keep another waiting just because she had the power to do so, I might care. But she isn't, so I don't. She looks up and smiles at me, and motions me to follow her into her ready room.  
  
"Have you spoken to B'Elanna yet?" She asks as soon as the door slides closed.   
  
"No." I'm thrown off balance by her question. I realize she knows about B'Elanna and me, who doesn't, but she's never commented on our relationship before.   
  
"Have a seat Tom." She says, and sits on her couch by the viewing window.  
  
I sit in the armchair diagonal to hers. This is an informal meeting, and she is trying hard to keep it that way. At the moment she's reverted into Mommy-mode. There isn't anyone on this ship who hasn't been on the receiving side of Captain's motherly talks.   
  
"The Doctor has informed me that your recovery isn't as complete as you'd like him to believe."   
  
"I feel fine." I really do feel okay. So the headaches aren't gone yet. They are just headaches, and I've had them on and off ever since being shot by the swarm. Everyone knows this, and it's nothing new.   
  
"And how are you feeling otherwise Tom? Are you all right? Do you need someone to talk to?"   
  
I repeat, "I'm fine." There really isn't anything more to say about that. Emotionally, physically whatever, I'm perfectly fine. And maybe if I keep repeating that in my head a thousand times over, I'll start believing it. She knows this. In mommy-mode, she can look right through a person and into their soul. No doubt she sees the layers of dust on mine.   
  
"You really should see B'Elanna. She's worried about you."   
  
I nod. I know it isn't B'Elanna's fault. Honestly, I do. I might have fallen for the same thing if our positions were reversed, but then, maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. But I also don't know what to say to B'Elanna when I see her. Daenen gives his regards. Was it good? I've had a lot of time to think in the last couple weeks. Too much time and I've done some self-analysis. Always a bad thing. It is not B'Elanna's fault. So why haven't I talked to her yet?   
  
The headaches have kept me in Sickbay so far. Two weeks without the Doc's medication. Ouch. It didn't hurt in that other body, but as soon as I got my muddy DNA back it felt like my head would explode. I did see her once. In a fog I saw her standing above the biobed the Doc had be entombed in. Transmitters on my temples trying to repair whatever damage might be repairable. She held my hand, and I fell asleep. So much for a grand reunion. I only saw her the once.   
  
"I'm not trying to avoid her." I say out loud. "I just haven't had a chance."   
  
Katherine nods sagely, motherly. I feel like I'm about to be offered milk and cookies. "Concerning your conduct before this incident, are you sure you're all right?"   
  
Like I said, I've done a lot of thinking. I like it here. I am happy here. I have a great life. But it's going to end soon then later. We will be back in the alpha quadrant, and everything good will come to a grinding halt. "Yes. Everything is fine." I think she is disappointed I wont confide in her, and that pretty much ends the informal portion of our interview. She asks me if I felt ready to resume my duties, I say yes.   
  
Back in my quarters. It doesn't feel like mine again yet. Things have been moved around, broken, replaced. Daenen read my personal logs, along with a fair amount of other peoples. Including B'Elanna. He added logs too. I'm the only one who knows about this. I listened to his voice, my voice, saying things I never said. Talking about B'Elanna, about seducing her, and the fear in her eyes when he threatened her.   
  
I access those files now. I made sure nothing he said could compromise the ship security, my conscience is clear when I delete them. There is one more thing I need to delete. I open the file for the lost DataStream message sent from The Admiral. I read it again.   
  
He's right. He is right about everything. The Admiral is not stupid, he knows what he is talking about, and when he puts something into print, he makes damn sure he knows what he's talking about. Apparently after hearing about my many and varied exploits as Lt Paris on Voyager from Doc, The Admiral felt it prudent to drop me a line. From the parts I recovered, his general message amounts to something like; too little too late. Of coarse his version is more formal, but that's the jist.   
  
I haven't changed. I'm still the same person Captain Janeway dragged out of Auckland and I'm responsible for all the mistakes I've made. Everything I've done here, it's done in a void, and when we get back to Earth, that's all it will be.  
  
The Maquis have been formally pardoned since the war with the Dominion. But I was never Maquis. I'm a smuggler who got caught transporting Maquis. There's a big difference. When we get home there will be an inquiry, and even if I don't end up back in Auckland, I'll never be allowed into Starfleet.   
  
I delete the letter. I don't expect to be hearing any more from The Admiral. I like my life, and having it stolen helps put things into perspective. I used to hide from life; I can't lose what I don't have. As Seven would say, my thinking was flawed. I intend to correct that.   
  
It isn't hard to check the shift rosters. B'Elanna is on Alpha shift; she'll be off duty in three hours. That leaves more then enough time to plan.   
  
And three and a half hours later, I try not to be scared. She works late all the time. Maybe she didn't check for messages. Maybe she doesn't want to come. Maybe... it can go on forever.   
  
Working on the car distracts me. My car. I drove one once in an auto museum. This holographic projection is much better. I rigged the engine so that I can drive at speeds no one ever dreamed of in the twentieth century.   
  
For all the waiting, I don't hear her come in. She calls my name, and I look up to see her, and I know that instant. I know I love her. I know I will never meet another woman like her.   
  
She didn't know Daenen wasn't me. He looked like me, sounded like me. It doesn't matter anymore. He isn't here now, but I am. I came close to losing her, even before Daenen came. I could have pushed her away. As it is, what's between us right now is fragile. It can still be broken if I'm not careful.  
  
Daenen will be forgotten. We will never talk about what happened, we don't have to. I'm going to fix US as diligently as I fixed this car.   
  
And this is the first step...  
  
.....................  
  
(If you don't know the episode I'm talking about, Tom and B'Elanna ended up in the back seat of his car, I just felt the episode needed a little more to get us there. They did such a good job setting up character development, but then dropped it. Sigh. But what can I do?) 


End file.
